Jessi Klein's NotBlog

I love Whoopi Goldberg.  I never loved her before she was on The View.  I mean, I liked her, but I didn’t have any special interest in those nun movies. 

But now that she’s at the head of the coffee klatch, I adore her.  Truly, I do.  Everything about her.  I love that she did the week of wearing dresses and hated it.  I love that she dresses sort of lesbianish but is straight.  I love that she’s straight but was out last night protesting for the rights of gay people to marry.  I love that she still does that stupid valley girl voice even though we all know it’s not really funny anymore.  I love that she’s fair.  I love that she believes in what she believes in but doesn’t make a giant deal out of it.  I love her hair and her glasses and her skin and her voice.  She seems calm and happy, and she makes me feel calm and happy.  She’s like the black David Gergen.  Or maybe David Gergen is the white Whoopi Goldberg? 

What do I love the most about her?  She seems to be completely and totally Her Self.  Whoopi’s Inner Self seems to be a king size bed, covered in a giant fluffy comforter and the right number of pillows, upon which she reclines 24-7 in perfect confidence and contentment.  When she talks, you want to snuggle up on that bed, listen to what she says, feel the warmth that’s coming from the crackling fireplace I am almost certain is on the other side of the room.  She doesn’t strike me as afraid of anything, but rather, someone who is working to make people less afraid, as best she can from her little View perch.

This is what I want.  This is where I am headed.  I feel stronger than I ever have, more certain of who I am and what I want.  I seem to have developed a beautiful allergy to bullshit.  And just as people with peanut allergies can’t eat anything that’s been made in a factory where peanuts are around, I have lost my taste for people who still play in the vicinity of bullshit.  My new bullshit allergy makes me sensitive even to the smell of bullshit.  I detect a trace of it and I have to head in the opposite direction to cleaner, bullshit free air.

The freer I get of bullshit, the happier I am.  Real and Unafraid are my new Pringles.  I have popped and now I can’t stop.  I want someone who’s self isn’t defined by the size of the tits on the girl next to them or the velvet ropes they’re crossing (goodbye LA and LA sympathizers!)  I want someone who has built a home inside of himself; he owns that house, it’s paid up, and there’s no mortgage to the Bullshit Bank.  The center of the house is a big clean bed upon which this person’s soul is at rest.  When I knock, no matter where this person is, he will always be home.  Until then – I’m here, in my home, happy and snug as the rain twinkles away outside, and Whoopi’s on TV, wearing a big T shirt and crocs.

PS – Big Ups to Dan Savage, who I have loved for many years, who was on AC 360 last night standing up to some anti-gay-marriage shitbag.  He tried to explain how our Constitution works but this guy just kept yelling.  Dan got the last word (because AC is awesome) and he just said definitively to the shitbag, “I hope you don’t pray to Jesus with that mouth, because you are bearing false witness against your gay and lesbian neighbors, and that is a violation of  one of the Ten Commandments.”  Blogger Andrew Sullivan felt the same way and wrote about it today too.  You can watch the clip HERE.  I highly suggest you watch it and then send Dan a note telling him how awesome he is.  Or better yet, get involved in any way you can to support gay marriage.

This entry was posted on Thursday, November 13th, 2008 at 2:01 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.