Jessi Klein's NotBlog

I’m not generally one to get all up in arms about a TV show.  But the other night I saw one that was so awful that somewhere in the first nine minutes I actually saw my soul drift sadly away from my body, desperately trying to slip out the window, most likely with the goal of getting to Virgin where it could pick up a quality show in DVD like the British Office.

This collection of images – which is really the only thing I can properly call it, because the premise is so horrifyingly substanceless that it can’t really qualify as a television show - puts a 30 year old bachelor in between a group of 40 year olds and a group of 20 year olds.  Who will he PICK?  Some hot, stupid, young people?  Or some smart, not that hot, slightly older people?  Are you listening women?  Those are your choices as to what you can “be.”

To clarify: the 40 something aren’t “not that hot” because of their age; they’re “not that hot” because at least half of them appear to have had their faces placed on tennis stretchers.  And the 20 something girls aren’t just stupid because they’re young -they’re stupid because they’re constantly dissing the older women, referring to them as “decrepit,” as if they hadn’t noticed that they too will one day age and be as “decrepit” as the women they’re mocking.  Although some of them already have that weird thing going on where even though they’re 22 they look like they’re 44 and divorced seven or eight times.

What group of DICKWADS got together and decided it would be fun to turn women against each other in this manner?????  At what point in their careers did they decide they simply didn’t give a shit about anything at all, including their own mothers, sisters, and daughters, and decided to just fart toxic crap all over the TV landscape?  FUCK.

I feel like there’s more to say on this but I have to get drunk first.  More later.

I have an anxiety problem. I don’t know how to make it go away. I’ve tried everything. Let’s see if blogging makes it go away.  Four sentences in – nope.

I know why I have a kind of generalized anxiety and it’s such a boring story. But it’s been getting worse and worse recently as things come up that pile on more anxiety.  The accumulation of anxiety was like the beginning of fall, I didn’t notice it at first; a worry leaf drifting by my shoulder here, a worry leaf floating past my cheek there.  You think about getting a leaf blower but then think it’s a ridiculous expense – that’s another worry leaf.  And then out of nowhere, I have a massive, golden hued, J Crew Fall Collection catalogue-cover-style leaf pile of anxieties that I  take a big flying leap into and flap my arms and legs around in.  When I get out of it, leaves and pieces of leaves are still in my hair, still everywhere.  It’s hard to get totally out.

Maybe that’s why seeing Paris Hilton losing her shit as she goes to jail was helpful to me. Because it’s a reminder of the value of keeping your shit together.  I hate her, but I’m a human being so – well, I really don’t like her. But being in jail is hard and her next few weeks are gonna major suck.  But don’t lose your shit in public.  Don’t be a mess.  Don’t get lost in the leaf pile.