Amy Winehouse
I’ve become completely obsessed with Amy Winehouse. Not only because of her amazing album, “Back to Black,” and her soulful Ronnie Spector/pissed off voice, but also because she’s a Jewish girl with a big sexy shnoz and a big Jewy mouth, who’s running around constantly drunk or fucked up with a ratty extension based beehive, old school misogynist sailor tattoos, and insane Elizabeth Taylor-Cleopatra winged eyeliner while her body appears to be wasting away from anorexia. None of these things are really supportable or healthy (except for possessing the nose and mouth, that’s just fine), and she’s really so gifted that it would just absolutely suck if she died, but that said, on her, for some reason the whole package appeals to me. I’m a complete square peg except for the occasional alcoholic bender; but she just looks so hot and nasty singing “Valerie” on Youtube, in her little black Motown dress, that it makes me want to smoke crack, just a tiny bit. Just have a vial or two in my bedside dresser drawer, next to my UsWeekly, birth control pills, and chewable Mylantas.* I’ve lived my whole life not really caring about being a bad girl, and now, for the first time, I wanna drop 30 pounds and make everyone worry as I skulk around in high heels, stained size 2 cocktail dresses and long black gloves. I put on “Me and Mr Jones” and stomp around my house wanting to go spit on someone. But I’m taking small steps first: last night I went to a seder and rocked the eyeliner a little harder than usual.
*A word on chewable Mylantas – I’m completely addicted to them. Whenever I get home from eating way too much, which is pretty much every night, I chew two right before I go to bed to prevent 5am splatter attacks. Totally works! They’re minty and pleasantly chalky. I’m sure some giant green calcium deposit is building up in my colon, but really, who gives a crap (pun most certainly intended.)
April 8th, 2007 at 11:14 pm
As a Catholic boy, I can honestly say, Jewish girls are hot!
May 24th, 2007 at 6:10 pm
If you’re going for that Winehoused look, don’t forget to add the massive gap where other people store their teeth. It’s true that once you get back down near your birth weight your teeth start looking for other options.
Years from now we’ll look at the early adopters of this Winehousey thing as being the harbingers of the end times. “Eat a nice sandwich why don’t you?”, people will say, “You look plenty thin enough already.”