Clive Owen=What a Wonderful World
Yesterday I went with a friend to see Children of Men. It’s a very beautiful, totally absorbing film about the world, just a few decades from now, becoming a literally barren dystopia. Gorgeous, well acted, great, especially as anchored by the manliest human being alive, Clive Owen.
Unfortunately, the casting of Clive Owen directly undermines the movie’s thesis. I’m supposed to believe that in 2027 the world has become a horrible, horrible place where women can no longer become pregnant. But the thing is: how can the world be that horrible if someone as sexy and delightful as Clive Owen is running around in it? I mean, if he’s still walking about, talking in his delightful accent, looking at you with his beautiful, wolfish eyes, and just generally being Clive Owenish – then I contend that the world just cannot be that bad a place. Even if he isn’t talking in his delicious accent; even if he isn’t looking at you, like maybe he’s looking at someone else, like maybe this alleged “wife” he has; and even if he’s not being all Clive Owenish – maybe he has a day where he’s kind of acting like Randy Newman – I’d still say, the world simply isn’t that awful, no matter how polluted and Orwellian the rest of the situation is.
And really? I can’t get pregnant in the future? You mean I could have sex with Clive Owen a million times and not have to use a condom or worry about getting knocked up? How awful.
And I don’t think just straight girls feel this way. I asked another friend, an avowedly heterosexual male, who also saw Children of Men, to admit that he would let Clive Owen do any number of lurid sexual things to him. He paused for a moment before he answered. “Well, yeah. But I mean – I would want to do stuff to him too.”
January 15th, 2007 at 11:33 am
HAHAHAHA! heavenly, heavenly man he is indeed!
January 18th, 2007 at 3:11 pm
Are you saying Jessi that you do not want to bear my children? I am hurt.
January 23rd, 2007 at 11:06 pm
Okay, I can buy that sister. But from the male perspective, the same holds true. I mean, check my boy Mikey Caine. Did he have it that bad? Chillin in the fat fortress of solitude, smokin some kind bud. And what did his wife have to say about it? Don’t do that in front of the kids! Wait, what kids? Wait, I can’t f_cking talk. Doesn’t sound so bad.
January 26th, 2007 at 1:56 pm
Hey, you were hilarious at Comix on Tuesday. Will you be doing any more shows in New York before you go back to LA and explain to Ed Norton what dirty sanchezes and donkey punches are? Update your site so that people can actually go to your shows, man!
February 21st, 2007 at 7:07 pm
Oh my!! LOL!!! What a good point! Clive can’t get any more masculine and gorgeous can he? Oh yes, he can look better next to me.:)
April 10th, 2007 at 3:25 am
The movie was too intense, It scared the shit out of me….shit- no Actually it was a small child: the rest of the theater heard it crying and were really amazed and wanted to hold it. I said its my only child and then I went outside and there was a pig in the sky.