Is it just me or are these people sad?
I was watching Oprah the other day. Standard stuff. Julia Roberts was on talking about Charlotte’s Web. She plays the eponymous Charlotte. Oprah plays the goose.
Anyway, like everyone else in America, I’m kind of into Julia Roberts. I mean I’m not into her specifically, but I like looking at her. My theory of her face, I think, is kind of like what perfume scientists say about good perfumes – that at the base of every great perfume is one note that smells kind of off and bad, and that’s the note that hooks you. I think she has a note in her face that’s weird. She’s obviously very beautiful. Calm down, stop yelling!
(Maybe I am into her. I mean maybe there is something interesting about her. Didn’t she leave Kiefer Sutherland at the altar? You have to be kind of a bananapants to leave someone at the altar. What I mean is, to do that, you have to really be shitting your pants with fear and regret and nervousness. And it’s interesting that America’s Pretty Woman at some point was shitting her pants with nervousness and fear and regret.)
Anyhoo:
I’ll get right to the point. Julia Roberts is supposed to be all about the megawatt smile (barf to that phrase, by the way) and the goofy laugh (vomit) and she’s lit from within and all that bullshit. But in the last few times I’ve seen her, she seems weirdly down and out of it to me. Kind of off. She’s still doing the smile and all that, but it feels forced, and it’s sandwiched between a lot of coldish comments and empty stares. And she weighs about 90 pounds. Never an up sign. Am I the only one observing this?
It’s also a bad sign to me that this woman can’t find a decent pair of pants. She was on Oprah wearig a pair of tapered black slacks. What the fuck? She has infinity dollars. You can’t find some bootleg jeans for infinity dollars?
She says she’s happy with the twins and Danny Moder (too much to address on him to deal with right now) but I’m not buying it. I HOPE she’s happy (I have to say that – I mean I do, but let’s not pretend I spend time actively thinking about it – I just have to write it when I’m writing) but I’m picking up a vibe. My theory: she’s really freaked out about aging. I don’t blame her. Aging seems to blow. But I think Julia’s Mona Lisa smile is cracking. There’s also the report that she had to rerecord her entire Charlotte performance because when it was in the can the producers thought it was too “down.”
Another person who seems miserable to me: Anne Curry. I don’t know why, I just do. Long hair, short hair. Doesn’t matter. Misery all around. I can’t watch her do the news without needing a drink. She bums me out. Why so sad, Anne Curry??? On the other hand, good for you for being bummed out. The world is a shitbox.
November 30th, 2006 at 2:07 am
Hey Jessi, funny post as always. ^_^ I wouldn’t call it a Mona Lisa smile if it’s the result of endless facial fixtures and botox procedures. Eventually when the skin cells finally break down they will look like that fungus little creatures that craw under your skin in that TV commercial.
November 30th, 2006 at 10:30 am
i’m not a huge fan of julia roberts as an actress, but yeah, funny post. (infinity dollars *laughs awesome) gawd, i wish i had infinity dollars to buy clothes. feh, how ironic is it that i have internet connection yet my clothes are falling apart. stupid. just for that, i will spend my savings this weekend at the mall, thanks jessi, you’re such an inspiration.
November 30th, 2006 at 5:01 pm
Anne Curry, Barbara Wawa, Ann Coulter, and you are trapped in an elevator. The muzak is REO Speedwagon’s “Keep On Loving You”. You have one bullet. Choose carefully.
December 1st, 2006 at 5:26 pm
My theory is that she might be bipolar. I bet she is a nightmare to be intimately friendly with. She’s really oscillated a lot with her interpersonal relationships, and her decisions seem kind of risky.
December 11th, 2006 at 4:09 pm
I got here by googling “keifer sutherland tapered black pants miserable.” Interesting stuff though.
April 5th, 2007 at 11:40 pm
Keen observations. I, too, pick on that nuance of unhappiness, disillusionment…. and, yes, she may be bipolar; it would make sense perhaps, despite it’s being the most clinically prevalent, over-used diagnosis ever.
My reasons for thinking there might be some truth to the “bipolar” theory is because often people jump from one love interest to another for the euphoric experience they derive from it. It is not much different from the person who takes drugs to treat a negative mood. ”
As for Julia’s Mona Lisa smile, her face will need to stay in reasonably good shape in order to be able to continue supporting that smile. (Geez, I sound like I’m talking about two separate households here. too much divorce crap on the brain I think.) But, to be more explicit, if her face starts to “fall” as happens to some women after the menopause, she’d bett er hightail it to a good plastic surgeon. The problem I see happening with Julia is that her face was a big part of her marketing appeal – her face and smile, along with her laugh – and if her face begins to get thinner and smaller and her skin begins to sag, her teeth will absolutely take over her face. It will be a detraction instead of the reverse.
(I still happen to think she is an extraordinary actress before anything else, though, don’t you?).
As for her unhappy appearance lately, I wonder how much of that is somehow, even subconsciously, related to the fact that she took Moder away from his first wife and marriage. The woman’s first name was Vera, and I remember Julia got off on a wrong foot with the Moder family when she decided to wear a t-shirt that had printed on it the words, “A Low Vera.” The Moders, apparently, were not amused.
I look at Danny Moder and do not see a happy soul. NO…. he looks quite the opposite to me and I wonder if one of the reasons he left Vera to be with Julia was because of Julia’s substantial fortune. He was only a cameraman, after all. I can’t help but wonder from what source his happiness is coming. He sure doesn’t SEEM – nor did he ever SEEM – to light up in Julia’s presence.