pull my daisy
I’m having a little trouble learning to drive.
Well, what do you mean a little trouble?
Well…I failed the driving test.
Oh, that’s no big thing. Everyone fails it.
Right…right…but I kind of failed it twice.
Really? Huh. Really? What did you do? I mean [laughter] twice, huh?
The above is a conversation I have had many times since failing the driving test twice. Most people do fail once. There are only a special few of us who have the courage, the guts, to fail it again. Failing once is kind of cute. People think failing once is cute, like having a date notice you have a little crumb on your shirt. But when you reveal that you were unable to conquer this simple mechanical puzzle a second time, it’s unbelievable, like you have a pair of moose balls stuck between your teeth.
I don’t know how I failed the second time. The instructor wrote on my evaluation sheet that I need to “work on my rights.” My lefts, however, he affirmed were very strong. Which is odd. I’ve been feeling really cocky about my rights.
Here’s the main thing – I’ve never understood cars. I don’t give a shit about cars. I grew up in NYC, where no one drives. But since I’ve needed to learn how to drive I’ve become obsessed with the VW bug. I know it’s supposed to be a “Nazi car” but I see them all the time and I like that they’re small and look like they’re from another planet. And I love the daisy in the front. I guess it comes with the daisy? The daisy makes the whole thing seem friendlier, less like a car, more like a little shitty apartment that you brighten up with a vase. Every now and then I see someone driving a VW bug without the daisy. Without a doubt, these people are repressed jerks. If you have the opportunity to drive a car with a vase and a daisy, you seize it. Nothing de-Hitlerizes a car like a little daisy.
July 7th, 2006 at 4:18 pm
I failed the test, but drove for 1 year anyway before I go back to take the test. License? What license?
July 8th, 2006 at 6:01 am
Check out the 13 licence :
http://mirror.rtor.net/rendezvous20_04.mov
July 10th, 2006 at 3:50 am
Hello Jessie, I loved your Lake House standup on the David Spade show. Three times will be a charm with your driving test. It was for me!! Good luck!
July 10th, 2006 at 9:16 pm
Third time is the charm. when you get your car could you get me out of this tire. I seem to be in a pickle. this is slightly embarrassing.
Who painted my nose?
July 11th, 2006 at 11:22 am
You really should check out the MINI. It’s small, hails from the good guys, and is an absolute blast to drive. No vases, though the drink holder does have a wine glass with the international no symbol around it. That’s amusing enough.
July 14th, 2006 at 2:41 am
yeah but don’t you think its creepy that everybody gets a daisy. it would be like if everybody had the same dude in their photobooth role.
no wait thatd be hilarious. farfigfuggin hilarious. can i say that?
July 17th, 2006 at 11:44 am
… nothing de-hitlerize a man like a little jessi.
July 17th, 2006 at 7:21 pm
Oh, I know what you’re doing. You’re flirting to get some dude to teach you how to drive. Why don’t you just ask him?
July 18th, 2006 at 8:49 am
you’re an absolute genius jk.
playing WhoWouldSaveMoreJews? in my head is how i generally form an opinion on people i meet
and your lake house skit is your funniest review yet.
here’s hoping more people get to hear you in the uk, come over soon!
p
July 20th, 2006 at 5:33 pm
hey lady. good stories tuesday and CDR. above is a link to my blog is a blog. it’s about los angeles.
July 21st, 2006 at 12:36 am
I took the test once and passed. I haven’t had to take it since; now I just renew without having to take the written or road test. I can’t imagine anyone failing a driving test. I’d feel bad for ya but I’m having trouble doing it because its so pathetic. =0P
July 21st, 2006 at 4:07 pm
Ehad is still alone, John baptises in His Name, Architecto’s pseudosemite, Wynne feels blessed, some Nicholas naive…
Nihil novo sub sole, used to say Qohelet.
Even if Syd’s now alive.
July 23rd, 2006 at 11:53 pm
Oh, Jess — if I can call you that — I’m sure you’ll pass it eventually. Even I passed it, and I’m a god-awful driver, so awful that I never drive despite the fact that I have a license. That’s why I left California to go to NYU, where everyone walks/prances everywhere in black leggings and high heels. Okay, so that’s mostly the women, but that’s not the point. The point is that I passed it with, like, two minor errors to spare. So you work on those lefts or rights or whatever. Or get a male proctor. Yeah, and start crying if you don’t pass. That TOTALLY worked for my friend. Good luck, and bring some eye drops.
July 26th, 2006 at 12:55 pm
OMG Jessi, I failed mine too! Like recently. Like…last week. Guess we really are new yorkers huh? I’m kinda bummed tho b/c I spent a lot of money on lessons and rushed to get my test in before my permit expired on my birthday (last sunday) and would get stuck having to take the effin written test all over again. But didn’t quite work out as planned. Seems I’ll be licenseless forever ;( The story of how I failed is actually quite humorous, but I’ll spare the not-blog and tell you some other time… Anywaaaaaay, how’s everything!? Hope LA’s treatin you well.
Ps – i like the daisy too.
July 26th, 2006 at 6:04 pm
I think my sister failed 4x, our whole family is somewhat amazed she’s been driving without incident for 10 years, though we’re still leery of getting in a car she’s driving. I passed mine the first time out, but was somewhat deflated when my dad told me he was surprised. Learning to drive, eh? Los Angeles relocation imminent?
August 8th, 2006 at 9:12 am
If no one in NY drove, there would be no drummers and only electric bass players here, and we’d all be the worse off for it.
And a VW is only a Nazi-car if there are people in the ashtray. So you’re not guilty on that count.
I don’t give a shit about cars either, although all the cars I don’t give a shit about were made after 1955.
August 14th, 2006 at 3:00 am
That’s a great word, ‘dehitlerize’. I think im going to start using that in my life.
“Shuan, those Shrek ears youre wearing don’t dehitlerize your little mustache.”
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March 26th, 2007 at 2:35 am
i failed it AND failed the eye test. so i had to get glasses AND not drive. you’re not alone out there.
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